Zimbabwe 1 (own goal) - Tourists nil

Zimbabwe's Ministry of Tourism (and you thought your job was tough) is gearing itself up for an influx of tourists to the country during the World Cup. Quite why it thinks, football fans would want to come here is another matter. There's nothing for them to do here, except bungee jump at Victoria Falls. Everyone has already been beaten up and there's nothing left to vandalise.

Tourism and Hospitality Industry minister Walter Mzembi is counting on a spill over of 130,000 World Cup visitors, spending US $200 million while they're here. Where he's getting his figures from is a mystery. My guess is he's been chatting with Mugabe's nephew, businessman and former ZANU PF MP Philip Chiyanga, who 'won' the exclusive and lucrative contract to sell Fifa's World Cup hospitality packages despite being on the international sanctions list. (How did that happen? Does anyone read at FIFA?).

Walter, obviously hasn't been paying attention to FIFA who have slashed ticket prices after admitting that their prediction of 450 000 international football tourists coming to South Africa was over-optimistic. But like many of Mugabe's cronies, Walter is clearly suffering from World Cup fever. The symptoms being a combination of greed and delusions.